Right this moment, well, I guess not the moment that you’re reading this but the moment that this post is being typed, I am 34,986.9 ft in the air. Have I ever told you before that I don’t enjoy flying? If I haven’t, allow me to inform you now that I don’t enjoy flying. I began flying alone at a very early age to spend summers in Jersey with my sister and I loved it. It was so exciting, navigating my way through the airport, crossing my fingers that no one was sitting beside me so that I could put my feet in the seats next to me, and seeing the familiar faces greeting me as I walked off the plane. Now, none of this is fun…navigating my way through the airport is an absolute nightmare, the seats in the airplanes these days are so small that even if the entire row of passengers failed to show up, my legs would hang off at the knee, and there are no more smiling faces greeting me after new regulations were put in place for our safety. But, I really stopped loving to fly on May 19, 2008, it was the day that I held my baby girl in my arms for the first time. Something happened inside of me when I became a mom that I cannot explain and I suddenly became cautious. Before May 19, 2008, you couldn’t keep me from adventure: cliff diving, bungee jumping off bridges, rollercoasters, you name it, I would be the first in line…not these days. These days, you’ll find me, pulling that seatbelt a little tighter, lathering on SPF 1.2 million and profiling every person that comes near.
On an airplane, I’m all, “Excuse me mam, does the engine sound funny to you? The engine sounds a little funny, don’t you think? No? That’s normal? Oh ok.” **flight attendant smiles politely** “Excuse me again, did you see that guy two rows up? The one with the beard? If you don’t mind, will you run go check the Official U.S. Watchlist for his name? Thank you. Oh, he is just a Duck Dynasty fan? Thank you for checking.” **flight attendant rolls her eyes as she walks away and I give a nervous laugh** “Excuse me Robin (because we are now on a first name basis), I noticed that you have a nervous look on your face, is one of the wings on fire? No? Oh, ok. I‘ve just been watching you through the turbulence and you looked a little nervous to me. Sorry to bother you Robin.” **Robin now whispers to the other flight attendants while pointing at me and I wave thinking we’re friends.** “Excuse me Ro…” ** Robin must have earbuds in because she can’t hear me anymore, that’s weird.**
Can we talk about flight delays for a moment? Why does it seem like every flight is as late as my husband is everywhere we go? Why don’t they just go ahead and give themselves the 50 extra minutes they always seem to need and if they do show up on time, they could say, “surprise, we’re early, we’ll just sit here and wait on you for 50 minutes for a change.”
To finish this blog post off, I’m sharing with you what I like to call “tips,” for your next trip.
*Delecta’s Somewhat Decent Tips on Flying:
- Don’t fly if you don’t have to. My go-to method of travel is by car… Matthew behind the wheel, Spotify playlist on shuffle, and my phone on with the sweetest three letters I know, LTE, at the top. No turbulence and no profiling. Don’t gasp, unfortunately, we have to think about these things these days people.
- Smile, smiling’s my favorite. When I arrive at the gate, I always do a “once over,” you know to check all of my fellow passengers out. If any of them have “the look,” I give them a really sweet smile, in the event, a little kindness might change their mind if they are planning anything stupid. Did you just roll your eyes like Robin? Ok, a smile is most likely not going to change much, but I still give it a go.
- Pack light. If you travel with Matthew Rollins, you don’t get to check bags. It’s true, we carry on, always! Once, we flew to London for 10 days and took only a carry on bag each. Can you believe that? Yeah, I can’t either, but we did it. The pros actually do outweigh the cons when it comes to traveling with just a carry-on bag. Do you want the pros or cons first? Ok, let’s go with cons so we can finish on a good note.
- My personal “Carry-on Cons” :
- My shampoo and conditioner is the biggest challenge, this white hair will fall out if I use some hotel shampoo that is good for “all hair types.” You’ve got to be kidding me, “all hair types,” even the hair that is hanging on for dear life due to excessive bleaching? Now, I know that you’re all shocked to find out that I’m not a natural blonde, cough cough but it’s true. And, I know that someone reading this is going to leave a comment below to mention that they have travel containers meant for shampoo and conditioner but let me stop you right there, I haven’t found one yet that doesn’t leak. Maybe, some kind reader will invent the first travel container that doesn’t leak for me?
- Another “carry-on con” is all the looks that you get when you smack every person in the face with your bags as you walk down an aisle designed for a toddler all the way to the last seats on the plane, which is where we always seem to end up, which I whole heartedly blame on Robin.
- Also a huge challenge for me is trying to stuff enough outfits in a carry-on bag that will give me enough outfit options based on my mood that day. For example, what if I pack jeans but I wake up and I just cant fathom the idea of all of the sweating it will take to get those jeans on or what if there is a cute graffiti wall that needs to be instagrammed but I only have tops that clash? It’s a real struggle people!
- Your luggage never gets lost! Now, I know you’re thinking, “why is this not on the pros list?” Well, it is, it’s on both. Did you know if a carrier loses your luggage and it isn’t returned to you within 24 hours, they have to give you money for the lost contents? NEW CLOTHES PEOPLE!!! Sure you may have to wear the same clothes for a day or two until you’re reimbursed and yes, you may have to sit by the door praying that they don’t find your luggage on hour 23 but just think about the shopping spree you could potentially be on tomorrow!
- My personal “Carry-on Pros” :
- Your luggage doesn’t get lost! There it is again, she is lovely on the “pros” list too isn’t she? So, not much to say here except you have your clothes and toothbrush for the night…I’m starting to feel like this fits better on the cons list.
- You can actually eat on your trip because you save on luggage fees. I cannot believe how airlines have started charging $50/bag. This is outrageous! You could easily pay more for luggage than your actual ticket which is just plain rude if you ask me. I mean, the luggage has to pay that much money to board the plane but they don’t get priority boarding, they don’t get to choose their seat number, in fact, they don’t even get a seat, they get carelessly thrown on to the bottom of the plane by Steve who is just ready to get home for the day. Steve doesn’t give a flying flip that those bags paid more to be on that flight that the guy in seat 21E.
- You never have to go down to baggage claim for an extra hour to wonder if your luggage is going to be on the roundabout or not. You can just walk out bumping those same people down the aisle on the way out. JK, if you’re like us, you will be the last ones off the plane because you’re in the last seat in the back.
- You get to purchase a super cute carry-on bag because your husband wants you to carry on so that justifies the purchase. Check out these cuties from Target!
- My personal “Carry-on Cons” :
So, there you have it, doesn’t this make you want to go purchase a ticket for a bazillion bucks just to be terrified until those wheels hit the runway? You’re welcome.